Being a light
by Little Waterboiler
Summary: The story of how stories came to be. Sometimes all you have to do is believe.


_North stood in front of the globe, eyebrows knitteded together. "That´s strange" he muttered. Jack flew to him: "What is strange?" "This light!" answered North and pointed to a flickering light on the globe. The light wet on and out and seemed not really wanting to decide either to shine or not, as if not wanting to shine but still doing it. "Who is that?" asked Jack. "A teenager who doesn´t want to believe but still does" answered North. Jack just blinked confused: "That doesn´t make sense." North noded: "And that is the problem.."_

Smile. It´s easy to smile. Really easy. It´s as easy as it is to fool the world around you if you smile. You can be sad, mad or broken inside, as long as you keep smiling on the outside no one will ever know.

My smile. I keep it on my face as if it was stuck there with glue. I keep smiling. I keep laughing. I keep fooling the world and no one will ever notice it. I guess it will stay that way forever.

I look on the paper in front of me, my notes for a new story, a new idea. The teacher starts talking to me: "And what are your hobbys?" New teacher, new chance to either get a friend or an enemy. My brother told me about this teacher: You don´t want to get on his bad side. Too bad I surely will be, after all I´m my brothers sister. I look into the teachers eyes and already know I won´t come over the 3 even if I give my best. I answer: "I read and I write." He tries to look interested: "What do you write?" "Fanfictions" I answer simply. The class starts talking, some girls giggle, they and their dirty thoughts. "Which topic?" askes the teacher. "Different ones" I answer. "Mostly in German, but I am thinking about writing some in English, too." "It would be a good practise for your English skills" said the teacher, now questioning the next pupil. The boy behind me tries to stiffle a laugh: "Are your stories even read?" I put a faked smile on my face ignoring the pulse to yell at him: "Oh yes, and they are liked." "Yeah, sure" he says sarcastic. But I think I know better.

Sport in the gym, last lesson. They throw balls at eachother, if you´re hit you´re out. I just stand there waiting to take the hit. Nothing ever came. I know some would be happy, but this being invisible and ignored still isn´t the greatest goal. I know it´s way better than having everyone picking on you, like it was in primary school. I fake a smile, knowing that luckily that time is long gone. Finally the boy, who hates me, decides not to ignore me anymore and throws a ball at me. I know I won´t be fast enough to run away so I take the head-hit with pride. Cause that is all I´ve sometimes left.

School´s over and I walk alone to the busstop. It´s fresh, almost cold, inside like outside. I pull the hood of my green hoodie up and sigh. The wind is blowing around fresh and I start to shiver. It is cold, but the other always say it is warm. I got my jacket tighter around me. It´s freezing. I think I see someone in the corner of my eyes, but when I turn to look at the hooded figure it´s long time gone.

When I´m home I get my Laptop and start writing. My brother comes in and looks over my shoulder. "Are you writing Arthur again?" he askes. I shake my head: "No, it´s a new story." He starts to read the first sentence: "It´s in English." "I know" I say. "You´ll fail, you´re not good enough in English for something like that" he says. I shrug: "I guess..."

When I read it to my parents, they say they liked it. They say that to anything I write just to make me smile. Even when Dad undertand more than some sentences and Mum has no idea over the background. I´ve just showed them one of my favourite movies a week ago. She says sorry, and Dad is already gone again discussing with my brother about something I don´t care about. When Moms parents phone I´m alone again.

I remember seeing the trailer of one of my favourite movies on TV. I asked my brother if we could go and watch it. He said it sonded too childish. Who would care in our age for Sandman, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus? I shrugged it off, I had lost believe at very young age thanks to my brother.

Three years are over when I found the movie on You-Tube. I didn´t really want do find it, but I did while googeling ice-powers (Thanks, Elsa). I watched it and was amazed. I started reading fanfics about it, but then I got sick. My family took my technics away and my father gave me a manga: Detective Conan. I instantly loved it and started watching movie and series, Guardians long forgotten. And I started writing a fanfic on it myself.

It was December last year when I found the movie again on You-Tube. I must have seen it at least three times the following days. And always I felt pity, especially for Jack and his little sister. Jack, for I knew how it feels like to be alone, for his sister for watching her brother die and knowing it was her fault. I couldn´t bear the thought of losig my big brother, I think if I was in her place I would have gone insane. It´s bad enough losing your grandmother or your beloved dog, but your brother? No, big no.

I started reading fanfictions about her and how it could have been else, soon reading about anything else. My absolute favourites are about human-turned Jack or Emma, as I´m convinced her name is (most have luckily no pairings, I´m not the love type). But sadly most of the really amazing ideas are never finished.

It was in the middle of the night when it struck me. It was an idea for a story and I got pen and paper and wrote it down. I thought about putting it on my normal german side, but knowing ´Rise of the Guardians´ never was so liked in Germany as it was in the English spoken countries I decided against it. And I remembered an account on an English side I had opened years ago. So I started using it again...

I´ve heard the sentence "Grow up" really often now, but to say the truth I don´t really want to. Growing up is no fun at all. I wish I could stay forever like I am now, together with my family. Time going by only hurts and would force more and more to fake your smiles.

Maybe it helps staying on the inside a child. So I started to think about a world full of magic, where anything is possible and no one needs to die. I often find myself drifting away in those thoughts, running away from the mess I call reality. It helps, even when I just get money for Christmas and watch my parents buying the eggs I find at Easter. I stopped having nightmares of falling, failing, losing everyone and the death of my dog. I even put my wisedome teeth under my pillow, only to be told from Mum that this is stupid. I put them on my desk, the next morning they are gone. My Mum has no idea where they went and swears to not hae touched them. Later I find in the mess I call my desk one Euro, knowing this one isn´t mine. But when none of my family says it was from them I accept it and try not to think about it more.

So I guess now I´m something like what they call in the movie a believer. I really try hard to find another explaination but in the end I´m stuck with the magical. For example the sudden snow in February. My parents were as surprised as I was and in the afternoon the snow was already gone again. But me and my brother managed to build two snowmen, a little and a big one: Brother and sister.

But there is another side. I know that there must be an explanation for everything so I tried finding it. It was hard, but I simply want NOT to believe in childhoodstories. I mean that would mean Jack Frost being real and him having to have spend 300 years alone. I wouldn´t even wish that my greatest enemy. So I tried to not believing anything supernatural (besides god) because otherwise my fantasy would try to make me feel guilty. Being guilty is no fun at all, I promise.

I would feel guilty because I know if he would be real, we would have been best friends. I like having snowballfights and I know when it´s time to tell a good joke. I hate being alone and ignored but often I am. I like enjoying myself and seeing the better side of life. I fake smiles so noone knows how I really feel. I don´t have many friends, but enough to life with. Who first sees me, often judges me wrong. The list is endless and I´ve made enough tests that try to tell me, that if I would have a center, it would be fun. I wish I had him as a (even if it is in other eyes just imaginary) friend.

I start writing my first English story, shortly followed after another one. I still update them and I am very happy about how they turned out. I believed I could do it and so I do it.

Everything is possible if you just believe. You can do it, just believe.

 _Both, Jack and North, looked surprised when the light suddenly stopped blinking and stayed as one of the most shining ones._


End file.
